Well, here it is folks, the gift for any cubicle dweller that’s sure to leave a smile where their once was painful boredom. Slap these Cubicons™ on and discover a whole new world of cubicle safety, cubicle coolness and just plain cubicle badness.
So does one really need safety glasses for cubicle-based work? Chuuaaayaaahh! Who is to say when a stray staple won’t be burning through floor 8 on a sluggish Tuesday afternoon, gearing up to penetrate the most outer eyelash and possibly forever jeopardize your ability to swiftly check your Inbox, Purge your Trash Folder, or update your voice mail greeting with a fashionable wink as you say “Sorry I missed you”? Who? Who?? “We who”, that’s who. We say it’s time for every man, woman, and manboss and womanboss to get dem Cubicons on and get down to business with style…and comfort (from knowing you’re super duper protected!).
Cubicons are one size fits all which makes them such a fantastically great. Yes. We just said “fantastically great”! That’s because we’re wearing these things as we write. And boy howdy (yes that was a cheesy 1950’s reference!) do these things really help us crank out the copywriting. Someone told us each pair of Cubicons has been blessed by a donkey named Sven somewhere over in Austria or something. But we are pretty sure that’s a downright lie. We know of no donkey named Sven. Nor do we subscribe to any blessing performed by donkeys in general.
We do, however, make it a point to double-triple scare test every other other and then every now and again Cubicon that comes off the production floor. We unexpectedly shout at each one in a boss-like manner to see if the lenses and frames can withstand the blindside-like verbal abuse. If it behaves in any manner other than just going about its business on the production floor’s conveyor belt, we immediately ship it off to be used in less harmful environments like factories where they hurl hotter-than-hot-magma metal shavings about as if it was festive rice. We do this for the betterment of mankind. For the betterment of the world. For the betterment of the word betterment because we really like that word and wish more people would use it in at least one sentence per day.
So get your Cubicons on. Get yo cubicons on. Get ya cubicons on!